Experience Moments

Four years ago this week I walked out of Google, boarded a plane, and headed on the first leg of a journey that I so desperately hoped had a destination. I wasn’t able to articulate what that ‘destination’ might be but I was eager to discover it along the way. I wanted an end goal, an ah-ha moment, anything to show me the clear path to happiness and fulfillment. Seemed simple enough.

It’s always around this time of the year that I take a moment to reflect back on that time and see where that journey has led me. It’s like taking an inventory - an inventory of moments, sights, smells, sounds, feelings, and people. More than anything it’s reflection on the experience. Four years ago I thought I was just taking six months leave from work. I thought I could find the destination and everything would go back to what I thought it should be in my head. Little did I know it would turn into years and create change that was unimaginable. It’s not always glamorous and certainly not usually clear but the wandering path that this journey has become keeps taking turns that my old self would have never seen let alone been open to embracing.

Through all of this, one thing that I know as truth is that the idea of one single destination or happiness derived from the material is not the way. The ah-ha moment is really that it all starts within, with gratitude and love, and then everything external is heightened and enhances the moments and the happiness. I can get on plane after plane, tick more and more countries off the travel list, buy yet another pair of shoes, whatever it might be, but that’s all external and in the long run doesn’t drive my happiness or fulfillment level up. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these things but it’s the realization that it’s what I do in the moments, how I create and take in the experience, that fills me up.

I’ve fought with this realization over and over again. Just typing that out feels ridiculous but it’s true. Much to my annoyance at times it’s the internal work and for me personally the simplification and stepping fully into the experience, often times with very little in terms of material aspects, that brings the most lasting joy. It’s incredibly freeing when I embrace it, but it can be frustrating when I find myself in a hole and want an easy fix.  

I’m finding that it’s not just related to personal happiness but it’s also present when I think about creating a business, building relationships, growing a community, whatever else I’m trying to do. Just pouring into the material, the trainings, etc doesn’t suddenly make you wildly successful or more importantly, fulfilled. It has to come from the heart and from within, that’s what will be fulfilling to me and also create the magic that connects with other people. It’s like when you meet someone who is just magnetic, you’re drawn to them and have that feeling of wanting in on whatever it is that they’ve got. Most likely ‘what they’ve got’ is coming from the internal, it’s their soul speaking and attracting you.

I read a lot about happiness, joy, and fulfillment these days. It’s all lovely stuff but you have to learn how to put down the armor that we’ve been so ingrained to use, open yourself to new ideas and opportunities, and believe that maybe there’s another way before any of the seemingly fluffy stuff can sink in. It’s not just a switch that’s flipped (for most people) and one day you have a sudden mindset shift, it takes time, practice, and sometimes a ton of patience. The stubborn me, the project manager desiring to create a spreadsheet and a plan me, the control freak me has learned to let go, to trust, and sit in the unknown with patience.

One of my favorite quotes that embodies the journey and shifts that I’ve found myself going through over the last few years is from Denis Waitley. He says

‘Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.’

For me this speaks to everything. It reads like a before and after for me. It is what I thought followed by what I now know and feel. It’s the journey.

If I’d seen this four years ago I probably would have laughed and been like yeah that’s nice, but there’s a whole lot of happiness in the new bag I just bought too. Today this is it, these words are so powerfully true. When I embrace the experience of each and every moment there’s so much more happiness, joy, and fulfillment. It has been an evolution and one of finding balance. However, it’s led to the ability to soak in both the mundane and the wildly exciting as an opportunity and a moment to experience fully. Whether I’m traveling to a new place or wandering the familiar streets of San Francisco I’m open to so much more and therefore so many more things come my way.

As I get ready to head to Esalen in Big Sur this weekend I can feel it. It’s all about the experience and having an open mind and heart as I step into it. It feels almost like the leap that I took four years ago to head away from work and into the unknown. I have no idea where this month will lead me but I know it will be transformational. These next few weeks will be like nothing I’ve done in the last few years yet I know that everything I’ve done has led me here. I will be open and engaged for both giving and receiving fully whatever the magic of these weeks sends my way.