You Are Not Your Goals

Yesterday I watched and tracked online as a few friends took part in a full Ironman race. These ladies, and everyone out there, are incredible and awe inspiring. An Ironman, if you’re not familiar, is an insane triathlon that totals more than 140 miles in distance and takes hours upon hours to complete.

People think I’m a ‘crazy’ athlete and there’s no way I’ll ever do that - I’ve done half the distance and that’s enough for me. A marathon is plenty to run on it own, I don’t need to do it after swimming and biking for hours. Anyway, I digress…

These friends trained for months in pursuit of crossing the finish line and becoming ‘an Ironman’. This is the ultimate goal. One of dedication, persistence, time, and a whole lot of energy.

The achievement is incredible, but what about those who don’t actually cross the finish line? Does that make you any less amazing, awe inspiring, and worthy?

Certainly not.

Inspired by a recent Instagram post from Adam Grant in which he says ‘If you judge your worth by your achievements, you feel worthless whenever you fall short of a goal’ I got thinking more about goals and how we can lose ourselves in them.

Goals are great, don't get me wrong. They help give us direction and something to strive towards. For many of us that feels really good. Goals are what pull us forward, what often allow us to show up for ourselves and others.

However, the danger and pitfall is in attachment and expectations. It's attachment to a specific outcome, to the achievement, to the success deemed by reaching the finish line.

When we're attached to the outcome our relationship to that goal is distorted. Our identity and worth become one and the same with the goal, with the pursuit, and with the expectation of a specific outcome.

As you move forward along the pursuit one of two things happens - you reach said finish line and goal, or you don't.

In either case having your identity and worthiness wrapped up in the goal is precarious.

In the case of not reaching the specific goal set out you may feel let down, disappointed, like your self worth is now diminished because you didn't achieve what you set out to.

And on the other side of the coin, you achieve it and suddenly it's there in front of you. You may feel satisfaction and elation and then suddenly without the pursuit you begin wondering who you are, what comes next, and what's more.

So my message to you is not 'don't have goals'; rather, it's to be intentional with how you set the goals, with the pursuit, and with separating yourself and your worth from the goal itself.

Goal setting is a great way to motivate and keep you accountable. There are really powerful ways to do it and in that process I encourage and work with clients to align with and be clear on the intention rather than the goal. This is more about how you show up, who you be, and how you feel moment to moment. When that happens it’s almost like the goals achieve themselves or feel effortless.

This is where the Pause is powerful and where you can practice it. Pause to check in, to realign with your intention, and to come back to yourself. And start simply now...

Pause. Breathe. Savor YOU.

You are enough. You are not your goal. You are not the finish line. You are YOU and fully worthy.