It's time to 'Marie Kondo' your relationships
I saw a post earlier this week floating around on Instagram about editing friendships. The gist of it was as we get older we don’t have time for BS friendships that don’t build us up, bring joy, and feel reciprocal. Essentially, it’s time to Marie Kondo your friendships.
I’ve felt this way for a long time and it’s not surprising that I saw this after a weekend spent in Minneapolis full of deep connection with both existing friends and people who are brand new into my sphere. This is a reinforcement of the criticality of who and what we surround ourselves with. Like energy attracts like energy and our relationships are where we give and receive so much energy every single day.
As difficult as it may be, you and I each have the choice of who and what we surround ourselves with. And let’s be honest, we end up tolerating a lot because it seems easier than the potential pain or effort involved in letting something, or in this case someone, go. Yet in the end holding on only ends up coming back on you because you’re drained by certain people, you don’t feel like you’re getting back what you’re putting into a relationship, and/or it’s not supporting you to reach the goals and dreams you’re marching towards. I hate the feeling of walking away from an interaction with someone that just leaves me feeling drained and like total crap. Seriously, there’s no time for that and certainly not where I want to be giving my energy, so why put up with it?
When I was in Mexico City I met a gal and we got talking about a very similar topic. She’s about to leave a company that she’s been working at for twenty years and step off into the unknown to travel and explore the world. As we were chatting I said to her, you’ve got to surround yourself with only the people who 100% support you, your dreams, and your seemingly crazy plans. This is one of the most important, yet potentially overlooked part of embarking on something new - whatever that something new is. Your support system must be rock solid.
When you know that you have your ‘crew’ of supporters who you can always turn to for support, for the truth (and that may be a hard truth), and to fill your cup rather than get into your head and question the desires on your heart, you’ll flourish. So much around us is combative, draining, and downright destructive energy that we owe it to ourselves to seek out, choose, and foster relationships that are growth oriented, expansive, and supportive.
Some of the people closest to you will have a hard time getting onboard and that’s ok. Maybe you need to give them a little grace. You can decide what relationships you want to put energy into and which you don’t. I think it took my mom a solid 18 months to stop asking when I was going to start looking for a job after I’d left Google. She’s come around to this ‘bizarre’ life I’ve decided to live, one that at times has been pretty off kilter from her norm, yet I know she’s a supporter and we get to share in many adventures together. Other people who over the years have been naysayers to my desire to explore the world and chase awe aren’t lingering around in my inner circle.
I know all of this is easier said than done in a work environment, or somewhere that you don’t really get to choose who you are interacting with. Yet it is possible to seek out co-workers, teams, and projects that bring the qualities of a powerful relationship and environment that you’re looking for. And, if you’re not able to bring your best most potent self to the workplace, harsh as it may sound, it may be time to re-evaluate what the tradeoffs are. Where and how might you flourish? You have a choice.
I’ve been part of plenty of teams where not everyone gelled together so I had to pick and choose who I put effort into and what bonds I strengthened so that anything else external wouldn’t break me down. I found myself walking out of conference rooms after a meeting if the chitchat wasn’t going to empower and build me up. I may have needed to be in the meeting, but I didn’t need to absorb the toxic energy after it.
It takes effort to edit and foster only the most powerful relationships and friendships. And it may seem unreasonable, yet the alternative is to feel walked all over, lack true unwavering support, and miss out on the potent power of connection.
If you’re in my inner circle now, well done, you spark joy and bring the connection I desire. What would it be like to ‘edit’ friendships and relationships so you flourish, receive as much as you give, and walk away with energy gained not energy drained?
xoxo
jessie
Pause : Breathe : Savor the Moment
The Linger Movement ©2019 The Jessie Carr Co